Indesribable...contradiction feelings

My head tells me to give up but my heart keeps pounding and beating presto.


Wits end. Endurance? Decelerate....sigh.



p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | I'm sick!!! Sick of torn apart.

Am back...

Last few days I was thinking to write my journal. But then, I was trying to find words to what should I write. Hmmm (thinking) eyes rolling.

Summarily, I had 2 hectic days at North Port, Klang. Was there since afternoon waiting for cars clearance from customs. End up I was there till midnight ensuring all cars safely loaded onto trailers and delivered to the destination. Pheewwww...!!!!

However, Wednesday was tougher. It starts like the day before but end a 'lil' bit later at 5 a.m. Where I and my boss have to run over to our trailer driver at 3 a.m at Shah Alam due to fuel problem. The driver should load 8 units of Proton's new car to be delivered to Johor Bahru...but unfortunate that 2 of the cars' fuel is empty. To go or not to go....we were discussing. But if don't go, who will then?

I don't know why I post this story this time. Maybe, I just want to just find a lil time to recuperate but I don't know when. Just came back from Klang actually. I am finding time to chill for myself. Its been too long I haven't read nor pamper myself whilst lay still like broccoli in front of TV. Notwithstanding, I keep thinking and my mind keep refreshing of what is the next trip, load, how many cars, where is the delivery avenue etc. So tell me when I will have the time?


Perhaps, I could spend a weekend with kids next week....again, perhaps. Abang & baby; Imisualready.


p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | ...tell me if my escapism means would help?

I Wish You Were Here

Birds chirping and wind blows
Soothing and peaceful
The gift from history
So you can breath

Its not dream but reality
Wash away sad but joy
Breath in deeply eyes close
So you know its God's gift

So be calm and cherished
For a lost friend has return
For the adore avail
Such a wonderful gift


p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | I need you like I've never needed anyone beHOLD...

Feelings

FEELINGS

It's so indescribable
Earlier today...
I felt everything associated with the good ones
Now...
I felt everything associated with the no good ones

I asked myself
Why does human changes their behavior in split second?
Why they can show love and simply with ignorance?
Aren't we suppose to find joy in our life?
Aren't we suppose to bring joys to others?

I don't know how to answer
I can't explain
It's so amicably mystery
For only God knows
For that I want to enjoy all the feelings
Regardless good and no good
So I understand and cherish God's love
For I am your slave
And your wish is my command

p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | ..tapi kupercaya semua telah tertulis....dan niat suci ku takkan disiakan.

Hanya kau Bisa Mengerti

kerana kau terlalu istimewa; ku serahkan segalanya
kerana kau sangat kusayang; ku korbankan segalanya
kerana kau sangat ku kasih; ku ingin hidup denganmu
istimewanya dirimu kerana melengkapkan diriku
sayangnya aku padamu kerana menjadikan aku setia
kasihnya aku padamu kerana hanya kau bisa mengerti
semuanya kerana kau adalah ciptaan terhebat untuk diriku

pengertian kasih dan sayangku padamu tak bisa ku huraikan
biar saja kau lihat bila kau lihat mataku
biar saja kau rasa bila kau lihat kalbuku
biar saja kau tahu bila kau memahaminya

namun
saat ini tak lagi ku rasa kau ada
saat ini tak lagi ku rasa kau mengerti
saat ini tak lagi ku rasa kau rasa
betapa jauh ku rasa walau kau hadir depan mata
betapa sepi ku rasa walau kau masih di sini
betapa sunyi ku rasa walau ku dengar gurau sendamu
kerana aku tak tahu bagaimana perasaanmu
kerana aku tak tahu apa yang kau mau
kerana aku tak tahu apakah kau rasa apa yang ku rasa

walau seribu benci di hatimu aku tetap sayang padamu
walau seibu ragu di hatimu aku tetap percaya padamu
walau seribu sangsi di hatimu aku tetap selalu setia padamu
semakin kau jauh dariku semakin dekat kau di hatiku
semakin kau melupakanku semakin aku rindu padamu
semakin kau membenciku semakin kuat kasihku padamu
kerana aku tahu dihatiku hanya kamu
kerana kau dewa hatiku
kau ciptaan terhebat untukku

p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | I still got the blues for you

.....

Anyway, few days back, I was having trouble mending my heart. But now still, trying to let it go.


The metaphor of love, I concluded.

I realize that every second of my breath, myself is put to test. But still, I can't deny that the test is the real reason why I am still alive. Maybe to someone, I am ungrateful. But I don't give a shit to whatever you're thinking now. only me know myself.

I am seeking continual learning thru life but to certain 'people' I am no worthy. Nevermind....For every detestation, I thanked God for making me even stronger and wiser. For every challenge, lies an opportunity.

I admit that I been sad for too long. I have been asking why and why and why....

But, to my acumen, I have just to be myself and trust myself. Thank God for the wisdom.

Bila rasaku ini rasamu

Sayang Sayang

Masa ku teringat akan dirimu
Ada sesuatu begitu mengganggu
Diam-diam aku menyukaimu
Bermimpi bila kau jadi milikku
Jauh di dasar hatiku ingin ku teriak
Aku cinta kamu

Sayang, sayang-sayang
Kamu dah berpunya
Tertutup sudah bagiku kesempatan
Dan bukan gayaku
Rebut pacar orang
Meski hati tulus cerita berakhir tak senang

Aku tahu akan sulit bagiku
Mencari-cari pengganti dirimu
Tapi bagi lelaki macam aku
Tak mau berakhir kerna begitu

Jauh di dasar hatiku ingin ku teriak
Aku cinta kamu
Sayang, sayang-sayang
Kamu dah berpunya
Tertutup sudah bagiku kesempatan
Dan bukan gayaku
Rebut pacar orang
Meski hati tulus cerita berakhir tak senang

Tak mungkin, tak mungkin
Aku menyerah hanya kerna tak dapatkan kamu
Meski jauh di dasar hatiku ingin ku teriak
Aku cinta kamu

Sayang, sayang-sayang
Kamu dah berpunya
Tertutup sudah bagiku kesempatan
Dan bukan gayaku
Rebut pacar orang
Meski hati tulus cerita berakhir tak senang

by Alif Aziz

I was lepak'ing' at home...tiba-tiba lagu ni terngian di telinga. Ish bila layan macam best jer lagu ni tapi bila dianalyze balik liriknya macam arrghhhh...was it a sign??

Kenapa tiba-tiba aku rasa macam tak best pulak lagu ni. Mungkin sebab lagu ni macam bargi warning plak hehehe.

Seringkali kita terdengar akan kisah yang seperti dalam lagu ini. Dan kebanyakannya tidak seronok. Tapi disebalik kejadian seperti ini, kita sering terlupa berfikir mengapa ia harus terjadi seperti itu.

Mengapa harus kita menyalahkan takdir bahawa ianya berlaku? Sedangkan, semasa merasa kebahagiaannya kita lupa tapi kita bersungut bila masalah mendatang. Kenapa kita tidak memikirkan kebaikan dan keburukannya sebelum membuat keputusan? Atau adakah kita sedar, siapakah diri kita untuk menyalahkan keadaan atau sering diterjemahkan sebagai takdir? Kenapa? Kenapa? Kenapa? Terlalu banyak persoalan.....

Dalam asyik kita bertanya dan menyalahkan keadaan, kita tidak sedar dan lupa untuk bersyukur. Lupa bahawa kita diberi kesempatan untuk merasai, melalui serta memahami apa yang sedang berlaku...Tiada salahnya bila kita merasa apa yang kita rasa. Kerana bagiku, hanya kita yang tahu rasa/perasaan itu bila kita merasainya. Kerana apa sahaja yang kita rasa adalah satu nikmat yang tidak terhingga waima kita sedang berasa sakit, pedih, pilu, sebal, bengang, marah atau yang sekutu dengannya.

Jadi, nikmatilah apa yang kita rasa sementara kita boleh merasainya.

P/s: Love is not blind, love sees but doesn't mind.