Bukan Diriku

huh!! the whole day really tiring...keje keje keje .

but that is not wat i wanted to talk about. i want to talk myself that really are indecisive. arrghhh i am angry with myself actually. over the years, i am a very determined person who know what i want and what i dont. but right now, i am feeling very bad over myself. i dont know where gone myself esteem that really drowning me...shit la!!

i have been fighting over years for my feelings. and right at this point of time, do i really want to let go?? i thought that i am strong enough for this for which i am not...damn it !! maybe, it is too much already to think about this thing this far....i am suppose to decide and not considering yer or no. but heck, i just cant....what is wrong with me actually ha???

ish, some people say....go for man who loves you. but looking at that point, what am i suppose to do with it if i dont have feeling for him? what about my feeling?? i want to share with someone who has the same feelings with me!!! that is all i want....coz to me sharing life isnt about having physical contact all through the nites. it is about being contented in comforting each other. to complement each other in every aspects. someone who you can share you story with. but, unfortunately the one i find is not having the same horizon view with me. i just dunno how to tell la anymore since it is so bloody freaking out!!!!

i am not sure until this moment. but somebody really pushing me to make decision. it is because the only thing that can make things move on is by making the first step that is decision making. so bad that i am just not determine as i am before. for this, it is really killing me softly la wei.....

ouch!! people would say that i am stupid. i might have putting my pride and dignity at stake. but you all are not in my position that i just cant. that said.

another question pop up....until when??? yea thats the gud one. thats why i said its killing me softly that over time, i might change to someone that very self defensive, selfish, temperamental, crazy or maybe i just become bloody damn stupid person in this whole world to let myself being taken advantage of.

"for i know, i only love one. i only want one. and i only keep that one deep inside till death do us apart"

mymyselfkaTe | stillgotthebluesforyou