Monday, April 19, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
huh!! the whole day really tiring...keje keje keje .
but that is not wat i wanted to talk about. i want to talk myself that really are indecisive. arrghhh i am angry with myself actually. over the years, i am a very determined person who know what i want and what i dont. but right now, i am feeling very bad over myself. i dont know where gone myself esteem that really drowning me...shit la!!
i have been fighting over years for my feelings. and right at this point of time, do i really want to let go?? i thought that i am strong enough for this for which i am not...damn it !! maybe, it is too much already to think about this thing this far....i am suppose to decide and not considering yer or no. but heck, i just cant....what is wrong with me actually ha???
ish, some people say....go for man who loves you. but looking at that point, what am i suppose to do with it if i dont have feeling for him? what about my feeling?? i want to share with someone who has the same feelings with me!!! that is all i want....coz to me sharing life isnt about having physical contact all through the nites. it is about being contented in comforting each other. to complement each other in every aspects. someone who you can share you story with. but, unfortunately the one i find is not having the same horizon view with me. i just dunno how to tell la anymore since it is so bloody freaking out!!!!
i am not sure until this moment. but somebody really pushing me to make decision. it is because the only thing that can make things move on is by making the first step that is decision making. so bad that i am just not determine as i am before. for this, it is really killing me softly la wei.....
ouch!! people would say that i am stupid. i might have putting my pride and dignity at stake. but you all are not in my position that i just cant. that said.
another question pop up....until when??? yea thats the gud one. thats why i said its killing me softly that over time, i might change to someone that very self defensive, selfish, temperamental, crazy or maybe i just become bloody damn stupid person in this whole world to let myself being taken advantage of.
"for i know, i only love one. i only want one. and i only keep that one deep inside till death do us apart"
mymyselfkaTe | stillgotthebluesforyou
Monday, March 29, 2010
I tried and tried hiding up the pain I feel inside....pretending to fool folks around me that I am ok which I am not; at all. Yo no sé por qué hasta ahora todavía no puedo dejarlo ir. Tampoco dejé que mi corazón abierto para ser compartida. Todo intento de distinguir pondré sobre ti.
You know I won't hold you back now...our love just can't be found. Praise to God that the love will remains 'there' till the end even if we're apart no matter how far. It is not the matter of distance coz the thoughts that always count.
It hurts and pain when I have to live forever reminiscing all the sweet memoirs whilst knowing and feeling it fades away day by day. Notwithstanding, I will keep reminiscing and bear the pain coz I believe that love is not blind. Love sees but doesn't mind.
Say that I am a fool. And I don't care being fool because of love. Because I always love you.
p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | Tiada Dia menjadikan manusia sia-sia selain memujiNya.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Last few days I was thinking to write my journal. But then, I was trying to find words to what should I write. Hmmm (thinking) eyes rolling.
Summarily, I had 2 hectic days at North Port, Klang. Was there since afternoon waiting for cars clearance from customs. End up I was there till midnight ensuring all cars safely loaded onto trailers and delivered to the destination. Pheewwww...!!!!
However, Wednesday was tougher. It starts like the day before but end a 'lil' bit later at 5 a.m. Where I and my boss have to run over to our trailer driver at 3 a.m at Shah Alam due to fuel problem. The driver should load 8 units of Proton's new car to be delivered to Johor Bahru...but unfortunate that 2 of the cars' fuel is empty. To go or not to go....we were discussing. But if don't go, who will then?
I don't know why I post this story this time. Maybe, I just want to just find a lil time to recuperate but I don't know when. Just came back from Klang actually. I am finding time to chill for myself. Its been too long I haven't read nor pamper myself whilst lay still like broccoli in front of TV. Notwithstanding, I keep thinking and my mind keep refreshing of what is the next trip, load, how many cars, where is the delivery avenue etc. So tell me when I will have the time?
Perhaps, I could spend a weekend with kids next week....again, perhaps. Abang & baby; Imisualready.
p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | ...tell me if my escapism means would help?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sejak akhir-akhir ini, sebenarnya aku banyak terasa rindu. Bila dikenangkan, tak tertanggung rasanya rinduku ini. Apakan daya ku, aku sering ketiadaan waktu. Walaupun itu hanya alasan, aku tau aku tak patut cakap macam tu. Tapi aku nak cakap jugak sebab aku tak tau nak bagi alasan apa lagi.
Bila rindu itu datang, berat dada aku rasakan. Semakin perlahan jantungku berdegup. Aku juga bertanya-tanya, adakah hanya aku yang merasa begini atau kita sama-sama merasa? Atau mungkin hanya aku yang masih menaruh harapan.....
Kadang-kadang aku marah diri aku sendiri. Kenapa perlu aku ikutkan perasaan hati aku ni. Tapi, apa salahnya kalau aku mahu terus menyimpan perasaan dan merasakan rindu aku ini? Ah....persetan dengan semua kata-kata liar dan tohmahan. Peduli apa aku. Korang cakap la apa pun...ada aku kisah?
Secara luarannya, memang tidak ada yang perasan bahwa aku sedang rindu. Tapi hanya AKU yang tahu betapa dalamnya rindu aku ni....betapa rapuhnya hatiku ini....betapa aku sedang terseksa. Aku tahu aku tak boleh nak salahkan sesiapa....kerana ini adalah pilihan jalanku. Tapi aku tahu....bahawa dia juga sedang merindukan aku.
Aku akan kembali. Pulang membawa kemenangan (dialog Tiga Abdul).
Monday, March 8, 2010
Soothing and peaceful
The gift from history
So you can breath
Its not dream but reality
Wash away sad but joy
Breath in deeply eyes close
So you know its God's gift
So be calm and cherished
For a lost friend has return
For the adore avail
Such a wonderful gift
p/s: KisahCintaKlasik | I need you like I've never needed anyone beHOLD...